earth air fire water ether

its when i dont look that i feel beautiful
and everything is from a space behind
and not reflected.

i understand now it takes more than a week --
and throbbing and understanding --
to be ready to leave again
but then moving with something
that seems pure and completed
and owned, and if youre lucky even mastered.

i find it easier to catch things
and to see irate rising and refuse.
i dont need to be doing anything
for anybody
i need to be, i am a human be-ing of course
last i checked.

are you listening?

it fucking grates me that it takes so long
but then i sit like you suggest
and i take a breath and it helps me to smile
and i do and it is really from my stomach.


i dont really feel alone
not like my teddy bears are talking to me
or anything
i just feel that at least when i share something
with you
or with you
that you see me, hearing,
even if you dont.

maybe its just that im hearing now
or speaking from a place thats in my stomach too.

dont be worried, even if i say i dont want to live anymore.
its just because i feel silly washing dishes sometimes
and wiping the counter or answering the phone,
and who knows what id rather be doing
but i know id rather be doing whatever im doing
where you can smile at me as we pass each other
on our ways to save the world
and i can feel that wonderful knowing
again and again
and remember more frequently
and take the flying saucers with embrace
or even with a cheshire grin.

maybe i have come to terms with the fact that i am not from this place
and nothing i can do will help me feel more at home
other than just feeling like i am where i need to be
and get on with it
watering things and lifting boulders.

id rather not burn fuel, if you know what i mean.
(are you still listening?)
but right now this intention is moving to thought
to action to reality
because truth sits somewhere i cant even swim.

thank you seeds for doing your thing
and letting me become you,
im sorry if they hurt you.
i'll try my hardest to spoil you now
and perhaps even sing.
we'll love it together.

open me up baby. here is now
and thats all i know
other than i am nothing
and everything
and when my heart is leading
lovers smootch
and cats purr
and the wind waltzes with the palms and the oaks.

you know it.